I can not even begin to thank everyone for their kind words! I’ve received so many comments on this blog, emails, messages on Facebook and cards. The support is extremely encouraging! I was trying to reply to everyone but I simply can not keep up. I will over the next few weeks try and respond to some of you, but please know that I have read everyone’s messages and they all mean the world to me. I do not see myself as brave, courageous or inspirational. I’m just an ordinary woman, a mother who wanted to write down her story and share a few photos with my friends and family. When I wrote down my story it was never with the intention of trying to get attention or seek sympathy from others. I selfishly wanted to write it down so that my friends and family on facebook could read our story and I would not have to continue to tell all of the details over and over again. It has gotten easier to talk about, but it is still painful. Every time I run into someone that I have a connection with I choke up and try to keep myself from losing it. I have lived in the same small town all of my 30 years, so there isn’t a day that goes by that I see someone that heard about what happened and want a hug and would like to know why. It is amazing that I have such a large family and local community to help us grieve. Now that Walter’s story has reached so far I’ve also gotten support from around the world.
I’ve been amazed at the sense of healing that I’ve gotten from some women who have had the same experience but were never allowed to see or hold their child. Many that were simply whisked away and disposed of as if they were trash. I can not imagine not having the time I did with Walter and now I am even more grateful! I’m thankful that Walter’s photos were such a blessing to some that never were able to see their child and always wondered what they would have looked like. He and they are perfectly formed at less then 20 weeks, just the way God designed them. I’m thankful that my children were able to hold their brother, they still talk about him everyday and greatly miss him. I’m ever so thankful that my husband went to the van to get my camera. I was in such an emotional state and already grieving for my child that I did not want a camera around. Now I can not begin to imagine not having these photos to look at every day. I’m so very thankful that Josh was there to help capture these moments, obviously if I am in a photo I couldn’t be taking it. The best photo that camera has ever captured was taken by my non photographer husband 🙂 I’m thankful for the amazing treatment we received in the OB department and while there will always be “what if’s” in my mind, I do not hate those in the ER. I understand that the ER is an incredibly busy place and maybe I should have made a bigger nuisance of myself, but that’s not my personality. I know that no matter where I had been, if God decided that it was time to bring Walter home to him, He would do that. I could have been in the best hospital in the world and they would not have been able to help me. While we don’t always understand and we ask why, God’s timing is perfect.
Thank you all again for the encouragement. It has been especially helpful for me as I also receive some very negative and nasty remarks from people. I do not like anyone to be mad or upset with me, I am a people pleaser. I have lost some sleep at night after reading some of these remarks. It amazes me how quickly people will jump to conclusions and attack, especially when they can hide behind the computer. So thank you all for continuing to uplift myself and my family in your prayers. We are feeling them and are truly appreciative!
For now it is back to laundry, washing floors and trying to get my preschooler to eat her lunch.
Much Love! Lexi